When I met my boyfriend, we had both done the married thing and the divorced thing. We had both been around the block a couple of times and had a pretty good sense of ourselves. It was refreshing, exciting! We had both found someone we could be completely open with. We could finally have an honest communication without fear of retribution…a real, honest to goodness, adult relationship. So why the background? Because that is what this blog, my writings, and our lifestyle is all about! There is a way to have a healthy, respectful, meaningful relationship…without losing yourself or the ability to express yourself. Of all the things on our daily lives, sex is usually the one thing put on the back burner. Sad but true. A lot of this is because of the expectations placed on us in society as a whole or by our sexual partner. Our individual roles have become our identity and if your sexual fantasies or preferences fall outside the identity line, we sometimes choose to keep it locked up! Let me paint a few examples for you:
- The Housewife (the minivan driving, PTA member who wears her jammies until noon and slave to her children)
- The Breadwinner (the type A, corporate climber who wears a tie and slave to a 60 hour work week)
- The Single Parent (the I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, do it all with a smile, no time for themselves, slave to a very tight schedule and often times an ex-spouse)
We worry about what people will think and when I say “people”, I especially mean the people we are having a sexual relationship with. I find it impossible to believe that even one of society’s ultimate good girls, The Housewife, doesn’t fantasize about getting fucked…hard!
Besides, it’s proven fact that sexual fantasies are healthy, occurring most often in people showing the fewest sexual problems and least sexual dissatisfaction (Leitenberg, 1995). So actually, by sharing your fantasies you’re actually showing how “healthy” you really are! Who knew?
If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies” ~Fran Lebowitz
Where am I going with all this? I never understood how being a “good girl” (i.e. responsible mother, loving partner, a lady with class and manners) meant you were doomed to a boring sex life. How did sex get to be so “dirty”, and by dirty I mean bad? I hope to encourage others to not worry so much about what others may or may not think and start making your fantasies, your sexual reality. Life is too short to live by some imaginary rule book. I want to hear about the real you. The you that has fantasies, likes to be sexy, enjoys lingerie and toys without the need to justify it. Share your fantasies and adventures. Stop taking your sex life so seriously.
Start talking, start sharing and most important just be happy and have fun!!!