Often I hear people complain that it’s nearly impossible to find someone to have a decent conversation with; that most of their dates are boring. Well, across all those dates, the only constant is you! Are you sure that you’re not the bore? Feed your head damn it; and not with reality shows, video games, Sports Center, and romance novels. Ever heard the acronym GIGO? Well, in case you haven’t, it means garbage in, garbage out. If you fill your head with crap, then crap is all that your mouth will produce. Be relevant, stay up on current events and read actual books. Broaden your interests and expand your brain. Engage with your date. Information is beautiful and the mind is sexy! Create a deeper connection and understanding of the world around you and be amazed at how easily you relate and converse with the people you meet. Shocking revelation, I know!
Do me a favor: Close your eyes and picture what your dream date looks like. If you desire the company of an attractive mate then shouldn’t you be attractive as well? If you look like you don’t give a damn then don’t be surprised if your date doesn’t either. Be genuine; however, there’s no need to appear on your first date like you’ve just returned from 4 days of camping in the Sierra’s. Clean up your act and dress like you care. You don’t need to spend a fortune; just give your date the opportunity to see you spit and polished. Also, take care of your bod. Groom your nose hairs, clean your finger nails, and for god’s sake, wear deodorant. I know it sounds elementary but you’d be surprised! Smelling good, being clean and well pressed shows that you care and respect yourself. Being unkempt, at best, demonstrates the lack of priority you place on yourself or laziness, at worst. I would also recommend that the ‘take care of your bod’ regimen include exercise. Go to the gym, join a yoga studio, hike with friends, do something active to support your physical well being. Looking good on the outside and felling good on the inside will produce genuine confidence….not the delusions of grandeur you typically parade around with!
Develop the ‘me’ before you become part of a ‘we’! This is your time to be a bit selfish. Go on an exhibition of the soul and traverse uncharted parts of yourself to unearth a passion. Find something you can really sink your teeth into! Cultivate a life outside of work and the hunt for the “one” by playing music, photography, volunteering, to name a few. People with real zeal are fun and exciting to be near. Passion is deliciously contagious. Create a fire in your life; the glow of your enthusiasm will attract more attention than any well rehearsed line or low cut blouse! Get out, get a life, and ignite a flame too bright to ignore.
Yes, I’m aware of just how fabulous you are but do your date a favor and listen to what they have to say. A reciprocal conversation is satisfying; knowing someone is actively listening is a wonderful aphrodisiac. Part of the art of conversing is knowing when to shut up! Janine from J. Allen Matchmaking recently posted a fabulous article targeting a major pitfall that many; especially men in the Bay Area, slide into…treating dates like an interview! I have had this happen to me on more than one occasion; not fun. What made the experience worse was my reward for qualifying for the next round was a live infomercial where the man sells me on why he is the catch of a lifetime. Whether you are a man or woman please heed this special note: Do. Not. Do. This…Ever. It’s a huge turn-off! Do your best to have mutually engaging, RECIPROCAL conversations. You’ll speak volumes about the person you are by NOT speaking constantly.
Online dating is king and odds are you’ve got a profile on at least one site. I did my share of online dating and found it a great experience; however, there is a point when you must interact in the real world. Don’t hide behind your laptop and quit relying on Google to make your DM’s sound swag! Walk away from the keyboard and get out of the house. Go talk to real live people… in the flesh. Technology is great but dating requires personal interaction. Too many rely on electronic communication and are losing the ability to confidently connect face-to-face. Although, online dating is a great way to broaden your access to available people you wouldn’t otherwise meet, try not to allow the popularity of finding your date in cyberspace to be a crutch. Grow some balls ladies and gents and don’t pass up an opportunity to meet someone when outside of the Matrix. The odds are better for making a genuine connection with someone you meet offline than online.