Online or offline, the #1 question I always get asked when talking to women about dating goes like this- “I went on a date with a great guy, I like him so much…but he hasn’t called. Why?” Because I’m (generally) a nice girl, I try to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and spare her feelings by saying something like “I’m sure he will, give him time” or “Maybe he’s busy”.
But…really? Think back to the last time you liked someone so much and wanted to get to know them better and were physically attracted to them and hoped to eventually do the dirty dirty with them…got it? Now think back to the last time you were “too busy” to call them or text them. Crickets…because it’s never happened, has it? In the spirit of tough love and honesty, and because the truth will set you free, here are some real reasons why he never called.
- He is taking the easy way out. To their credit, most guys whether they call you or not, are not assholes. I’m a firm believer that the good far outweighs the bad when it comes to the penis variety. If you’ve gone out on 1,2, 3 dates with a guy and you never hear from him again, it’s his way of telling you that he doesn’t want to keep dating you…without saying a word. Believe it or not, he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings (at least not to your face) and in his man-mind, he thinks he’s letting you down easier than if he called you and told you he just wasn’t feeling it.
- He’s afraid of the drama. Let’s keep it real, shall we? If he did pick up the phone and call you, only to tell you that he isn’t interested in seeing you anymore, there is a good chance you’d freak the hell out, right? While some women would calmly say something like, “Thank you for letting me know, good luck with your search” there are many others who would get upset, maybe yell, and even worse possibly cry. The award for best actress in a drama/tragedy! Men absolutely hate tears, and they especially hate being the reason for your tears.
- He’s a total douchebag. While I’m becoming guilty of painting men as these sensitive, caring, afraid of hurting you man-daisies, in reality some guys are just terrible human beings. These are the guys who sleep with you and then disappear, or make promises and plans of all the things he wants to do with you in the future and then never replies to your texts. When you’re dating, you’re going to come across quite a few less than desirable dudes, and you have to be aware of that…and even, to some extent, o.k with that. It comes with the dating territory.
- He doesn’t know what he’s looking for. Just like women, men don’t have it all figured out when it comes to love and relationships. Maybe you had a great date, sure, but after the initial glow wore off he realized that he’s looking for something, or someone, else. In his mind, he’s thinking, “why prolong the inevitable?” and doesn’t call in an attempt to avoid leading you on. If he just met you, and isn’t completely emotionally invested in you yet, he doesn’t see a reason for a “conversation”…sometimes silence says the most.
We could sit around guzzling wine straight from the bottle for hours talking about why men don’t call after a date, but that’s really not what is the most important. What matters is how you handle it. What counts is that you aren’t wrapping your self worth up in if a guy you barely know calls you or not. People do what they do for reasons we might never understand or agree with, so handle it with grace and never chase him, it’s not a good look…soon you’ll met a guy you won’t have to wonder about and will never cause you to ask, “Why didn’t you call me?”