Men are not known for checking under the hood of their relationships. In my experience, it’s almost as though men purposefully avoid the mechanics of a relationship because they’re afraid they might uncover a loose bolt or faulty clamp that may lead to the revelation that an overhaul is inevitable; so better to just go with the flow and wait for the check-engine light to glow than tinker around and tempt fate. At least that’s what I thought. While sitting around doing nothing particular my man asked me, “What can I do to make you happier in our relationship?”
Wait, what?
I had always assumed that men required some sort of warning light like therapy or “We need to talk” prompt from their partner before popping the hood. My surprise was also because I had not eluded that I was unhappy. I felt happy. Well, not over the moon, ridiculous happy at that moment but happy in terms of contentment {and I mean that in a good way}. His conscious exploration into the inner workings of our relationship made me take pause.
What CAN my partner do to make feel happier in our relationship?
Now, this may come as no surprise but I am rarely at a loss for words; however I found myself unable to answer this simple question. How can my partner contribute to the success of our union if I am unable to verbalize what he can do to contribute to my continued satisfaction in the life we share? Determined, I mentally donned my Ben Davis overalls, rolled up my sleeves, and went to work. If I was going to answer his question, I would have to understand how my engine ran. I know all the parts and what gets my engine running, but I never really investigated what keeps my emotional parts well-oiled and maintained. They just did. Right? Wrong.
Fact: Most relationship engines sputter. One way you can tell your union needs some TLC is when you hear people say that despite being coupled, they feel alone. This is the sound that often echoes in my head when my engine begins to knock. I have and still do feel that way from time-to-time and never really understood, “why?” Was I fickle with whimsical needs? Was I not understood by my partner? Do we have nothing in common? Truth is I have asked all the questions before but never kicked the tires long enough to find the source of the knocking. This time I wasn’t going to settle for an aftermarket patch job…I needed to do it right. Our relationship deserved it-he deserved it. After all, as loud as our daily life was; I’m sure he could occasionally hear the knocking also.
As I fiddled around; I was astonished to realize that I never fully grasped how my emotional components functioned. Initially my thoughts on what makes a relationship gratifying to me were superficial and childish. I liked to dress up happiness like a doll. Brush her hair so it sparkles in the sunlight-happiness is beauty. Dress her up in designer gown- happiness is wealth. Snap a magnificent bauble on her hand- happiness is expensive gifts. Stand her beside Ken- happiness is another person. Just like the dolls buxom bosoms and hourglass figure, the measurements don’t add up when in actual size or reality. The damn doll would topple over from the mass of her ginormous boobies! The mind can be sinister; defeating the chance of happiness by setting it up for failure with images of external happiness. The external happiness felt from a romantic dinner, an expensive gift or a trip to an exotic resort is temporary. Pure joy and genuine gratification must be manufactured internally. Some call it synthetic or artificial happiness-I prefer naked happiness. The happiness you can have once all the fluff and stuff is stripped off and pure joy is exposed in all its glory. The type of genuine happiness that is sprawled on the floor; raw, bare, true and uninhibited by external factors. My man wasn’t asking me how he can make me happy. We both understand that only I am responsible for my own happiness; making me happy isn’t the question. His question was one of gratification, satisfaction, contentment, and mutual respect. He initiated a 20,000 mile service to certify our relationship would be better equipped for whatever roads we travel over the next 80,000 miles.
Back to the question, “What can I do to make you happier in our relationship?”
With dirty hands and grease smudged cheeks, I realized that for me, the gifts he buys {although, they are always appreciated} or the romantic getaways {which are also lovely} create happiness; however, they are external and momentary. Naked happiness is what my engine craves. After popping the hood and exploring I discovered that my parts are VERY female! Reciprocal conversation is what keeps my parts well maintained. When my parts aren’t oiled regularly with the lubricant of the spoken word-my engine begins to knock. Other aspects like sex, co-parenting, and spontaneity are important factors in our relationship. However, bodies can fail, children will grow, and there will be a point when all the surprises have been sprung. Having a fulfilling and gratifying relationship requires regular maintenance so when all the external sources of happiness are stripped you can still relax and enjoy the ride…together.
Marrie
A Geekalicious NorCal Betty masquerading opinions about dating,sex, & relationships as fact through dirty talk & wicked rants!
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