Being a fabulous pseudo-celebrity on the rise comes with a price. The five inboxes stuffed to their digital seams along with my calendar- of-insanity were both expected side-effects of being an emerging media mogul. If the saying “No rest for the wicked” is true, then I must be very naughty indeed! Recently, another sign emerged that I was a growing online personality when I was able to check off another popular pitfall of burgeoning celebs. I was informed that my life was a topic of someone’s personal interest. So much so, that this woman attempted to sully my good name by spreading rumors about me to members of my community. This Perez Hilton of the burbs, shared juicy whispers with mutual acquaintances about my sizzling alternative sexual lifestyle and extensive collection of porn. At first I laughed in disbelief. If she seriously wanted to defame the character of a dating, sex, and relationship writer, she may have wanted to try disseminating rumors that may be found remotely controversial to someone in my line of work. Perez-from-the-burbs seemed to be acting as my personal benefactor rather than hate-monger. I half-considered handing her a stack of my business cards and asking her to be my personal PR Director. But then my giddy amusement faded. What if I weren’t a writer but a teacher? Suddenly, I no longer found her slut shaming to be humorous antidotes but malicious attacks with potentially catastrophic consequences. For many professionals discrete murmurs about one’s sexuality could cost their job, standing in the community and personal relationships. Contemplating the gossiper’s intent was what motivated me to reevaluate how to respond to the questions her big mouth had planted in my friends’ heads. I know that woman-on-woman attacks aren’t a new phenomenon but find it interesting that sexual lifestyle is the weapon of choice. Apparently, a lot of women are driving the slut-shaming bandwagon.
Rumor Has It
I live a life of flawless imperfection and am deceptively honest. Judgments are not for me to pass and I fervently defend those who find themselves the target of society’s scorn due to being on today’s unfavorable hit-list. Mrs. Bigmouth has an itinerary of revenge against me for transgressions I have not committed upon her or anyone else. It appears that my existence was all that was required to fuel her scandalous barrage. Mrs. Bigmouth shared manufactured details of my illicit sexuality and pornographic eye-candy with the fire of a high school adolescent. She channeled her inner mean-girl in an attempt to taint people’s opinion of me. If I were a school teacher, such rumors would label me unfit to perform my duties. After all, how could I be a sex-positive adult swinger and a professional educator at the same time? According to society these two are at odds. I would become a modern day Dr. Jekyl-Mrs. Hyde. Never mind that it is perfectly legal for consensual adults to have sex in any number and combination or that it is within my rights to own {and even star in} porn. I would be disavowed from the teaching community for committing a grievous crime against humanity. Perez-of-the-burbs attempts to assault my character by using society’s closed-minded, conservative attitudes compelled me to respond to friendly inquiries as if I were an educator of the young, rather than a sex-positive writer.
She Stoops to New Lows to Elevate Herself to New Heights
Women who use society’s Scarlet Letter to attack other women are truly the lowest common denominator. The competition to be the Queen Bee is fierce and a complete waste of time and energy. This woman descended upon my personal life because she sees me as a threat {a threat to what, I’m not sure but a threat nonetheless}. Women who feel the need to attack other women’s sexuality do so out of their own lack of confidence. The saddest chapter of this scandalous tale is that my antagonist has no reason to have low self-esteem. Her lack of self-worth is also a delusion, created by the same societal values that she tried to exploit in order to harm me. I have no misconceptions of whom and what I am and do not feel the need to apologize or explain the private workings of my sexual exploits to anyone. I had freed myself from the masses perception of normal long ago. I genuinely hope that my antagonist can someday do the same. Mrs. Bigmouth’s plan failed in every conceivable way. I know that my being unaffected by her feeble gossip will further engulf her fragile ego.
Just Cuz You Heard It
I now know that it was nothing that I’ve done and I refuse to live with internal guilt as if I had; a life that is hung-up on someone else’s hang-ups. When coming face-to-face with inquisitive inquiries I decided to approach it as though my livelihood did depend upon my response; primarily because for many women it does. I also chose not to confront Mrs. Bigmouth. I know she isn’t worth the breath. My final resolution was to only address the rumors with people who had the courage enough to ask me; figuring that if someone walks away from my friendship because they heard I may live a sexual lifestyle they are uncomfortable with then we aren’t meant to be friends. Just cuz you heard it, doesn’t make it true and if it were, it shouldn’t matter in a genuine friendship. For the record, I have yet to lose one friend because none of them bought into the shame game!
My Response
The last time I checked, sex between consenting adults is NOT illegal. I have never shied away from my opinions about sex and relationships. I am proud to be pro-sexual and extremely open minded. I refuse to impose my expectations of love and relationships on anyone else and appreciate others who do the same. Consensual sex between adults in front of a camera or in private and owning porn are legal rights protected by the law. My sexual lifestyle is of concern to me and my partner. Unless we’re in a relationship or I’m planning on having sex with you, it is none of your business.
Marrie
A Geekalicious NorCal Betty masquerading opinions about dating,sex, & relationships as fact through dirty talk & wicked rants!
Follow Me:
