Anybody who has survived cohabitation with a partner for more than 6 months understands how brutal monotony’s toll ravages on your sex life. Multi-tasking, deadlines, busy and differing schedules make mating a challenge. Sex does require you both to be in the same room, at a minimum! But what happens when, on that rare occasion, you both are physically available for sex. What then? Chances are, more often than not, nothing! You both pour your weary bones into bed and seal another long day with a sweet goodnight peck.
In the land of shared mailboxes and picket fences this scene habitually repeats. Meanwhile in dream land, flailing limbs and unbridled passion of yesteryear invade their dreams. Both wake up refreshed, yet exhausted by the thought of another sexless day. Passionate couples morph into disillusioned roomies. Over time disillusionment may be replaced with apathy or resentment; basically the kiss of death for most relationships.
I believe that in the beginning, it’s not that couples have less sex when living together because they are no longer attracted to one another. Actually, the opposite may be occurring…each gets a better view of the mountainous crap each has to hike every day. Conceding that their partner is most likely exhausted, they wave their desire for sex to be courteous and respectful. No one wants sex to become a chore; just one more item that must be checked off your HoneyDo list. You see it now? There lies the problem.
Solution: Be Available for Sex
Articles and books keep circulating on how couples can improve their sex life. Tips on positions, foreplay, and vibrators are titillating but pointless if you’re not sure sex is even an option! Haven’t had sex in a while? Maybe it’s because of the signals you’re giving! Your body language and passing comments may inadvertently be sending the “Not tonight, Dear” memo to your partner. We all get pooped and have the right to vent how we feel, especially to our significant others; however, if you don’t leave a glimmer of hope, your partner will assume that even if they came knockin’, no one will be home! Improving your sex life may be as simple as clueing your partner in on your little secret…you are available for sex. And by clue, I mean, clearly communicating that you may be tired but not that tired! It’s actually less of a clue or hint but more of a proclamation.
Sex drive and hormones aside, if a couple yearns to keep sex a priority in their relationship…they must make it a priority! Just as you would make time to shower, go to the gym or check your personal email. Playing coy and flirtatious innuendoes usually come to a sudden stop once a couple shacks up. Taking your relationship to a new level also forces you to raise the bar on how you should communicate with each other. Rather than relying on your partner’s ability to decode whether or not you are in the mood for love, state loud and proud that sex is on the table…or bed…or floor…or chair…you get the point. The next time the end of a hectic day closes and you head off to bed, let your partner know the score!
“I’m going to bed, babe. But I’ll leave the light on for ya!”
*wink and a smile*