Enough to make even an adult blush! I know that some are feeling a little bit seditious or dirty as you read through this sentence. But most of us have them, especially the male of the species. Or is it just that the male of the species are more honest and more sexually liberated, that they allow their minds to explore this part of themselves? Either way, I applaud them! I’m not sure how the conversation of fetishes, kinks, turns on’s became naughty or taboo but somewhere on the American timeline, this topic was forced into the closet; a skeleton to never be spoken of, a well hidden secret to be concealed by chocolate hearts and love making. It’s not that fetishes or kinks in and of themselves are bad (well, excluding the ones that involve illegal or sinister harm to others), it’s the shame or judgment’s that accompany them that is the real demon of the story. This is the article that answers the question you never dared to ask.
So, what gives? What is the difference between a fetish, kink, and turn on? Glad you asked! Because I’m here for you and feel it is my civic duty to free us from social bondage and get dirty out in public, where it belongs.
Let’s start with fetish. A fetish is a sexual desire in which fulfillment requires the presence of an object. Now, this object can be clothing, a body part, handcuffs, cream cheese, anything. The key word here is: REQUIRES. And by fulfillment I mean have an orgasm (so there are no sugar coded misunderstandings) If climax eludes you, unless you are experiencing some sort of pain…that is a fetish. If the big O is only achieved when one, or both of you, is wearing latex…that is a fetish. I can tell by your face you’re having an Ah-Ha moment! Think of fetish as the main course, you can feel full without it but not completely satisfied. Good, now that you get it, let’s move on.
Next is what I think most of what we used to call a fetish really falls into this category: kink. The definition of kink is an unconventional sexual preference or behavior. This category is reserved for those desires that may not be required to reach climax but something nice to have. So once again cream cheese, latex, or handcuffs may be involved but is not necessary to see the job done. This category is also expanded to include behavior, not just object. That’s where the word kink starts to get really dirty. Think of this facet of kink in this term: unconventional sexual behavior. Has an interesting ring to it, doesn’t it? Parking lot sex, “golden showers”, bondage, voyeur, threesomes, slapping; starting to all make sense now isn’t it. Think of kink as the dessert, your full and possibly satisfied, but made that much sweeter. Made you blush again, didn’t I?
Finally, we come to turn on’s. Turn on’s are anything that causes pleasure or excitement. Think of a turn on as the appetizer, the warm up, gets the appetite going. Turn on’s are a large category that encompasses anything your little heart desires, literally. Body piercings, feet, water, lipstick, stiletto’s, massage, dirty talk, etc.
Hey, I’m not telling you to go out and post your kink on your Facebook status (unless that’s your turn on). I just hope that if you’re doing the hokey pokey with someone that you really like or even really, really like that this little PSA will encourage you to think about brining your skeleton out into the light.