I have a girlfriend who has found herself in fuck buddy hell. She vented to me about how she wished she could have a life “do-over” and return him to friend status. That the sex was not worth the drama his recent promotion to fuck buddy has created. This got me thinking: is that even possible? Can your fuck buddy be demoted to “just a friend” without repercussions? Could the friendship just pick up where it left off? Most importantly, why is a good fuck buddy harder to find then true love? I can officially say that I have found love more often than a stable fuck buddy. All of my fuck buddy relationships have crashed and burned, almost as hard, and with shockingly similar drama! What a sad commentary. Why is a decent fuck buddy so hard to find?
When I first got divorced the last thing I wanted was another relationship. I did; however, want some sort of social life and, well, a girl does have needs. Like my girlfriend, I started casually dating and began my search for a fuck buddy. I assumed it would be a snap. That it was every guys dream; sex, no strings, no drama. I was up front with the men that I went out with. I told them very openly that I was not looking for a relationship. On the surface, men were eager and more than willing to fill the position. They seemed to understand my limited time and newly divorced status did not make a relationship possible. It was fun, freeing, and a perfect arrangement…for about 2 to 3 months. For some reason, 2-3 months is when the drama seemed to began to brew, consistently. The excessive phone calls and texts, the 20 questions, the asking to stay the night, the wanting family/friend introductions, all the hall-marks of a relationship. It’s not that these guys are creeps or psycho’s (actually one of them was, but that is another article for another day) they were nice guys. They were just nice guys who wanted to change the deal; get a status promotion. I was disappointed each time this happened and lost months of fabulous sex because of it.
My experiences and the one my girlfriend is currently experiencing, helped me to conclude that once someone has the fuck buddy status, that there is minimal chance of a successful status change to just-a-friend. For some reason, once that door has been opened, there is no way to close it without someone being crushed. Emotions get in the way. Someone, inevitably, wants a status upgrade. This holds even truer, if like in my girlfriend’s scenario, you were good friends before you ever did the hokey pokey. Then you get the additional drama of mutual friend’s chiming in or, even worse, family involvement. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not totally jaded, I do believe that some people do find the perfect fuck buddy but they are in a elite class, they have found Willy Wonka’s golden ticket. They have found true loves naughty big brother. Whether we care to admit it to ourselves or not, a tried and true fuck buddy is a form of relationship that seems to spring the same trappings as love itself and is equally hard to find.