When I came to Los Angeles several years ago, I was young, naïve and extremely ambitious. I worked multiple jobs (still do) and try as I might, I could never make ends meet (still can’t). I was constantly perplexed by the number of PYTs (pretty young things – thank you MJ for coining that phrase), who were driving around in luxury cars, sporting $3000 hair extensions, designer bags and expensive shoes. I knew that Los Angeles was an affluent city, so I assumed that these girls came from wealthy families. Unlike me, who drove around in a crumpled Volkswagen Golf and had three pair of shoes to my name, these girls were obviously being taken care of by their rich daddies.
Now older and wiser, I realize that they did have rich daddies—rich Sugar Daddies who paid their bills, gave them generous allowances, and bought them designer clothes, cars, jewelry, artwork, and anything else their little hearts desired.
It’s an easy trap to fall into as a single woman struggling to make ends meet while trying to carve out a career under the glass ceiling of a male dominated society. Women’s lib failed. We want to believe it isn’t so, but we are now expected to make our own way, even though it’s remains very difficult for us to do so. There is no equality in the work force, and we are constantly faced with sexism and sexual discrimination. It’s just not as blatant as it was in the Mad Men era.
The Sugar Baby who has her life cared for by a married man is often convinced the man is going to leave his wife. She waits in hope, catering to her benefactor’s every whim, while he pays her bills and wraps her legs around the back of her head on a regular basis. A very good male friend of mine who humbly refers to himself as the biggest philandering pr*ck that ever lived offered up a good point recently when we were discussing the matter of arrangements. He said, “Men will say anything when they’re getting f*cked really well on a regular basis”. True dat!
A man with a mistress is consuming her love, her time, her energy, her body and soul. She is sacrificing her work, her career, her relationships and her future to accommodate him. The least he can do is make her life easier for making his life ‘harder’. If he is making promises of leaving the wife, he should put his money where his mouth is. When there is a will, there is a way. I heard of one man who ‘lost’ an expensive watch, which he gave to his mistress to sell to his watch dealer, while he claimed it on his insurance – duplicitous not just in his relationships. Some Sugar Daddies take their role seriously providing a handsome monthly allowance often ranging between $5000 and $15000 a month and shower their mistresses in clothes, cars, and jewelry.
More often than not, the married man proceeds cautiously—concerned the Sugar Baby is a con artist out to get everything she can (as many are), and errs on the side of tight-wad rather than generous soul. Not wanting to set of alarm bells with his wife who could stumble upon the credit card receipts for thousands of dollars spent at Gucci and Chanel, he create all sorts of excuses about cash flow, offering up very little other than the unbinding promise that six months to a year down the road, he will leave his wife. Take it from a girlfriend of mine who went through this, ladies, you will hear it all—every reason under the sun for this son of a bitch to not dole out the dollars. I call these men Saccharin Daddies: an unsatisfying cheap substitute with a bitter after-taste.
Many women invest years of their lives with married men, thinking one day it will pay off. He will leave his wife. Most mistresses wind up with their hearts broken, their careers decimated by neglect, and their bank accounts drained by having to subsidize what they were either not making in wages or not receiving from their married lover. Affairs are cheaper than divorce and often keep a marriage alive. If a man is going to save all that money on legal fees, the least they could do is pay it forward by giving his long-mistress a significant parting/thank you gift like a down payment for a condo or at the very least a new car. Not to mention, as much as he doesn’t want to piss off the wife, he shouldn’t want to piss off the mistress or he just may end up in a nasty divorce, without his sugar on the side.
Any woman actually contemplating a relationship with a married man should make sure it’s worth her time. And, beware the Saccharin Daddies. There is no substitute for real sugar.