With the countdown well underway for Mother’s Day, I started to realize how dramatically the act of having children has seriously changed many of my friends into prudes. I’m at that age now where most of my friends, like myself, have children. My friends and I have all followed a similar path: college, date, choose a career, move in with someone, marry that someone, buy a house, and have children. This plan is consistent across both my male and female friends, with various outcomes, but with very few exceptions. The most dramatic change in my friends’ personalities came after they had children, more so than any other time or through any other life-altering experience. I’m not talking about the fatigue, lack of time, decrease in social gatherings, etc. I am talking about how once my friends had children; it was as though their virginity was restored. Nearly all had become sexually conservative. Before children they would all share and LOL at dirty jokes or openly discuss sexual topics that were current in the media. Now these same friends break eye contact, look down, or even worse, glare at each other if a topic approaches sexual in nature. I’m not talking about discussing such things in front of children; I’m talking about when it’s just the adults out for a drink. What is this? You have physical proof that you fornicate (i.e. children) and all of a sudden sex is “dirty”! I’m confused. I would like to say that this is isolated to one or two friends or one or two occurrences; however, it hasn’t. When I was out recently with a few of my friends, the topic of my blog came up. One friend follows, the others seemed “surprised” about the idea of me having a blog and began to ask all the familiar questions: What is it about?, What topics do you cover?, etc. As I began to excitedly explain my blogs theme, they became closed and distant when I proudly announced that I talk openly about relationships and often times, sex. To look at their body language, you would have thought I told them I wrote about how to kill kittens. They completely, for lack of a better word, shut down. They stopped asking questions, broke eye contact, glanced at each other, all the “tells” of being uncomfortable. My friend who follows the blog, jumped to my defense, explaining how it isn’t porn or erotica, that my articles are commentaries. They loosened up, smiled and began to say approving comments. This surprised me. These people I have known for over 15 years, they are no sheltered lambs or, by no means, virgins. After that night, I thought to myself, what if I did have a porn site or wrote erotica? Who cares? Like these friends had never read erotica or watched porn…killing me!
It would be one thing if just the women’s personalities had changed, than we could blame it on hormones, but the men had become conservative, too. Does having children encourage these adults to recapture or revert into a childlike innocence? What is it about having a child creates sexual amnesia? Not amnesia from personal experiences but forgetting that you’re a sexual person, that sex is good, sex is fun, and sex is NOT bad.
Remind each other of who you are, outside of the conservative roll of Mom or Dad. The joys of your intimate relationship should not cease after having children. Now men you can go with the lovely necklace or bracelet ,which is always a well appreciated gift but I implore the men out there to remind the mother of your child (ren), why you hooked up with her, that you enjoy having sex with her, and that she is still the object of your desire. This Mother’s Day don’t give your wife/girlfriend flowers or a flannel footy nightgown! Give her a Lelo, a corset, lacy panties, and back seam nylons! Children or no children, sex is part of the human experience and to be enjoyed.