On Sunday columnist Carolyn Hax published an online discussion she hosted on Friday in The Washington Post about sexism, feminism, and resentment. The discussion focused on a woman who felt resentment that she made significantly more money than her boyfriend. The woman described herself as a “raging feminist” and her boyfriend as having reached his “salary ceiling cap” based on his lack of having a college degree. This woman went on to describe a life of frustration and struggling if she stayed with a boyfriend who “can’t contribute” equally; the mythical house, fictions children, hypothetical bills, etc. I was completely blown away by this so called “feminists” open sexism! That’s right, sexism. How can a woman who demands and benefits from equal treatment based on the principals of gender blindness place stereotypical expectations on the men she wants to be involved with? Who does she think she is? She wants the perks of gender blindness with the advantages of sexism all wrapped in tidy little selfish package. She can’t have it both ways! Luckily the discussion moderator and several participants, mostly women, stepped up and commented to this feminazi that she was off base …quickly redeeming my faith in women!
I bring up this discussion because I have met this woman, well not her exactly, but women like her and I bet many of you have too. The woman, who screams “I am woman, hear me roar” atop any soap box they can find and then try to work their feminine wiles when convenient. I am not against the women who want to roar but only if the image their projecting to themselves and others is one that they can own and live with.
Recently, one woman was loudly vocalizing to other parents on the sidelines of her child’s sporting event how she supported her children in anything they wanted to do, in every way. That all the sports and lessons were expensive but the sacrifice was worth it. Now, she stated all of this in front of her ex-husband and the children’s father, who was in fact, paying 100% of all the fees for sports, lessons, rentals, etc. When she was called out in front of her audience, by her ex, about this “sacrifice” of hers, she agreed to him on the spot to begin paying half of everything from that moment forward. The reason for the sudden financial about face according to her (in front of her “friends”) was that her, “circumstances have changed”. Yea, the only circumstance that changed was that her ego was exposed. That is weak. That is the kind of thing I am talking about. It is OK to not be perfect, to not bring home ALL the bacon, to not fry it up in the finest pan! What these women don’t realize is that by portraying themselves as the end-all be- all women, the only people they are really hurting is other women. No one is perfect and by these women projecting unrealistic images of themselves, they create and perpetuate unrealistic expectations for women around them.
The sexism that is demonstrated in the name of feminism also creates resentment in men. Men have been living with the expectation of primary or sole bread winner for millennia. Men have also been “trained”, through genetics and generations of behavioral conditioning on what women are and how to attract a mate. Now, I’m not saying that men haven’t evolved enough to modern times to treat a modern woman as she wants to be treated. But women like the ones described above catapult mixed and conflicting messages into the mainstream. Men aren’t sure if they should open the door, or offer to buy a woman a drink for fear of having a women get angry that he dared to assume that she can’t take care of herself by buying her own martini or opening her own door. Many men are perfectly fine with coupling with women who embrace feminism and its ideals. He’s like cool, you want to climb the corporate ladder and make more money than me…great. Where the conflict and issues enter this scenario is when women, like the ones above, practice feminism by convenience.
If you’re going to be a feminazi, be the best one you can be! Be independent, proud and roar loud about feminism till your red in the face. I fully support you and women like you. But I refuse to perpetuate and support feminism when it is demonstrated through reverse sexism and resentment. Don’t try to convince me to jump into the fire if you can’t handle the heat yourself.