As far as memory serves, almost all my former lady friends have, at one time or another allowed their sphincter to relax. On one occasion as I was spooning with my girlfriend at the time, when she let loose a gaseous explosion so powerful it woke us both from a dead sleep (we’re not responsible for what we do when sleeping, right?). Another christened our new domesticity on moving-in day by cutting one as she hauled a heavy box. One woman let loose in my bathroom, leading me to believe I was dating a construction worker coming home from a chilly cook out, wait, I think we were at a chilly cook out that afternoon. In all of these cases the flatulence left me feeling much more comfortable, allowing me to become more “relaxed” and embark on the beginning of the next level of our relationship.
Currently, I have a dilemma that has me all bound up. My girlfriend and I have been living together for about 5 years and not one time, not a single moment, have I ever heard, smelled or experienced any gaseous vulgarity. I don’t think she even goes #2! Now, I truly appreciate her self-control, actually I love it. But I feel as if I can’t let one loose. Believe it or not, I’m even embarrassed to discharge one, fearing that this biological cadence would be inappropriate. Don’t get me wrong, my partner is laid-back, more than most guys could ever hope for but in this part of our relationship I just don’t know how to “let go” of my flatulence for fear of polluting the air of our perfect union.
So, when is it okay to fart in front of your partner? Can flatulence make the heart grow fonder or even deepen a relationship? Is my relationship “missing” something because the air is too clear?