“American women are scary, dominant, and manipulative.” These are the words that Hot Alpha Female uses in a YouTube video to describe American women. My friend and fellow blogger, Lennie, posted this video in response to a question posed by one her readers. Now, I’m sure Hot Alpha Female is a great person, and I do not know her personally. But as an American woman I found myself reeling as she enlightened her viewers on how American women are scary, dominant and manipulative, why we are, and what men can do to “counter” this behavior! Now, straight out of the gate I will agree with one point from the video; American women have high expectations placed on them, not only from other women but from American society and the media. This is where my agreement with the views from Hot Alpha Female begins and end. American society, across all facets of life, is fast past and competitive. Dating in the U.S is no different; especially if you live in a large metropolitan area such as New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, etc. If you want to meet a man here, you better bring on your A-Game. Not that dating is a sport, but it is competitive with lots of rules and expectations held on both teams. Hmmm, maybe dating is a sport after all!
After the introduction, Hot Alpha Female begins to describe “why” American women are so scary. She describes us as hard working, independent women who are driven “crazy” by the media who put “ideas in our heads” and by our “ego” that won’t allow us to admit we need or ask for help. As I appreciate the nod to the American woman’s work ethic, I do get a little frustrated with the image of American women being ignorant media sheep driven “crazy” because we can’t form our own ideas and control our own ego. I argue that we are independent and don’t ask for help because most American’s are raised in a society where everything has a price. Now, I’m not saying this is a good thing, it just IS! And what, I’m going to do, ask some guy I just started dating for help? I’m going to tell him I can’t do it all? Yea, try that in America! He’s going to think I’m some sort of basket case ready to drop at any moment and run for the hills! But wait it gets better! She continues her lecture by telling her viewers that because of the ideas the media has put in our heads; American women think “being a woman” means exerting sexual power over men. She goes on to state that the women who believe that they don’t need a man are really just “frightened, scared, and uncertain” women who require the most reassurance. Let me respond first by stating very clearly, I do not NEED a man. There I said it. I WANT a man. There is a very clear and distinct difference and I would think a man, especially an American man, would appreciate. I choose to be with a man because he enhances my life not because I can’t LIVE without him. That doesn’t make me frightened, scared or uncertain, it makes me a whole person who understands that I cannot enhance or add value to someone else’s life without already being a whole person who doesn’t need to be completed and seeing myself as a person of value. It’s about having self worth not about needing reassurance. If you listen to Hot Alpha Female you would think confidence was something to be ashamed of, to apologize for and get over…like an STD. My independence does not make me think, “Why do I need a man?”, it makes me think “Why do I want a man?”. I want a man to share my life experiences with. I want a man to want to be with me because he enjoys my company, not out of obligation to complete me or take care of my “needs”. Of course, with any long term relationship; marriage, friendship or family, there are ups and downs where emotional support and guidance is necessary, but it should never be the foundation of a relationship. Hot Alpha Female describes how American women walk around with “sticks up our butts” and wallowing alone in our apartments feeling “empty” because we do not have the “emotional protection that only a man and relationship” can provide. That’s just crap. If any woman, American or not, feels that the only way she can achieve emotional protection is from a man or relationship, than she has bigger problems that she needs to address before she enters into any relationship. The only successful relationship that someone in this state will find is a codependent one!
So, what is the ticket? The tip for countering us, scary American women; although why you would want to pursue the emotional, train wreck described is beyond me, is to “coax” out her femininity! That’s right boys! Because we no longer are in touch with our femininity, you know being all independent and all, we need you to remind us that femininity is about being open and receptive! But fellas, there is a BIG upside in it for you, “this will help you feel like a bigger man” and make you feel like you “win every time”. Because after all, that is the most important thing in a relationship…isn’t it? So good luck you men and lock your doors tonight because you never know when a scary American woman may come knocking!