“In the pink corner, wearing Ms. Me’s and strappy heals, we have the ex and in the purple corner, wearing the Vera Wang and diamond ring we have the new Mrs.” The competition between the past and the current is a futile war that women have waged against each other since they had their first boyfriend. The war can be all consuming, illogical, and highly volatile. It begins with the insane idea that there is even a competition! This power play of manipulation and resentment brings out the worst in women. Consuming the innocent and destroying the reputations of all involved. I have experienced this first hand and I have to say that it is a very creepy feeling to be hated. It’s made even more bizarre when you have done nothing to that person; the realization that your only trespass is existing, breathing. Why do women assume that their partners ex is the “source of all evil”? Why can’t some women let the past remain in the past? Why does the new Mrs. feel the urge to lead the charge in a battle that ended years ago? And if there is a battle, why can’t they let their spouse fight their own battle? I wish I could say that this is not a gender specific issue but men seem to have no issue with a woman past; unless it’s the number of ex’s she has!
You don’t have to be a charter member of the First Wives Club to appreciate the loathing from the new love. Any woman, who has an ex and has run into him with his new companion, has felt the glare of disdain. As you walk away you can feel their eyes sizing you up and almost hear the ruthless comments about your looks. At first you assume it’s all in your head; the touch of insecurity that sneaks up on all of us. Then you get the call from a mutual friends or family confirming your assumptions.
It is hard to not get sucked into that vortex of resentment. After all, you have to defend your honor, right?!? Defend your honor to who? Your ex? The new girl? Your mutual friends and family? The truth is no one will be there to observe the battle. Even more truthful is that no one even cares who leaves the ring “victorious”. To most people, you are both losers who are wasting time and energy on an illusion.
Whether its jealousy, insecurity, or competition, the reason why the new Mrs. hates you is irrelevant. Not engaging in the fight is the best way to win it. Just live your life without acknowledging the rivalry even exists. As the unwilling antagonist in my real life drama, my happiness is my best arsenal I have. So whenever my emotions begin to get caught up in the new Mrs. manufactured conflict, I remember that by merely responding I feed the insanity and deliver her validation. I implore all women to stop the Mean Girl cycle. I’m not saying you need to take your ex’s new love out for a girl’s night, just focus on your current life and happiness. If for no other reason than it will piss them off more than anything you could ever do or say in the ring!