Most people can pinpoint with precision the things that they look for in a partner. My theory is because it is fun to think about. Thinking about what we look for in date reinforces romantic ideals; it creates the mental hearts, flowers, and rainbows. Fantasizing about the characteristics of our next potential partner evokes positive feelings; you get the butterflies and dreamy just imagining how fabulous it all will be. But when you evaluate the characteristics that you don’t want, it’s like raining on your parade. Unfortunately, exploring what you don’t want in a partner may tell you more about what you desire on a mate and prevent you from spending time with someone who is a short term distraction, at best. If you haven’t invested time in creating a Deal Breaker list, than you may be setting you and your dates up for heartbreak down the road. You owe it to yourself to create a DB list and investigate what characteristics you are not willing to accept in a potential mate. Below is a list of potential deal breakers you may want to consider:
- Abuse: This one should be #1 on everyone’s Deal Breaker list. Abuse can manifest in several ways, with the most notables being physical and emotional. If your date shows signs of physical aggressiveness or emotional domination that is your cue to get the hell out! I don’t care how much they apologize or how stressed they are at work; you are too amazing to tolerate this behavior. RUN!
- Lying: Unless you’re a sadist or enjoying playing the victim, this should be everyone’s DB #2.Lying includes lying through omission and cheating. If you discover your new love has been lying to you, has cheated, or not sharing the whole story, than you may want to leave while the leavings good. These behaviors are habitual. Cut your losses and find a partner that is isn’t afraid of honesty.
- Bad Manners: Ok, so bad manners can mean different things to different people; for example, some may not have a problem with a partner who farts in bed and pulls the covers over your head, just because that is not my definition of good-times, doesn’t mean it’s not yours! Bad Manners is a broad fully customizable category. Some examples are: belching loudly in public, continuous spiting, poor/sloppy table manners, picking their nose, not covering while sneezing/coughing, barking orders, rude to servers, no please or thank you’s.
- No Commitment: If you are dating in hopes of finding the one but the one you are with has no intention of taking things to the next level, you may want add this one to your list. Save yourself the heartache of getting attached to someone who wants no attachments. No commitment can also represent exclusivity. Maybe you aren’t looking for the brass ring but aren’t exactly willing to share…then I recommended conserving your energy and finding someone who shares your standards.
- Moving too Fast: The flip side on my list to #4 is when the one you are dating is planning for the future when you’re only concern is where you are going to dinner. Whether you are a casual dater not looking for happily ever after, or just want to take it one step at a time, the most humanitarian thing you can do is set this person free so they can pursue a relationship in the fast lane.
- Kids: This is when things get messy. Placing kids on you DB list can include the desire to have children, the desire to not have children, wanting to date someone who has none, or wanting to date only those who do. Any of these scenarios can create extreme stress on a relationship, if the one you are with does not share your view. Adding kids to your list may also include parenting styles. Even if you do agree on the role that children will play in your future, digging deeper and comparing parenting styles will help you conclude whether your date could be happily ever after or happy right now.
- Poor Hygiene: Dirty nails, BO, greasy hair, sweat stained clothes, fuzzy teeth…you get the picture. Think The Grouch from Sesame Street but with less fur!
- Unemployed: Many people would not have even considered dating someone without a career, much less a job; however, in these hard economic times, the standards may have relaxed a bit. Whether a Barista at the local coffee shop or a greeter at WalMart, I’m guessing that you have a huge leg up over the unemployed.
- Sexual Compatibility: From freakalicious to demure, it doesn’t matter where you fall on the scale as long as you and your date are near each other on the number line. If one of you enjoy full Dom role play (#8) while the other is strictly missionary (#2), my guess is it’ll be over soon after you both realize you don’t see leather mask to ball gag.
- No Chemistry: There are times in life when the motto “fake it till you make it” will get you through, but when it comes to matters of the heart, nothing but the real thing will do. If you just can’t get that loving feeing, even though all rational thought suggests you should be weak in the knees, don’t over analyze it. Accept it for what is is…or isn’t…and move on.
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Top 10 Relationship Deal Breakers |Marcia Sirota for The Huffington Post
Top 10 Deal Breakers for Men | AskMen