You, me, everyone have had those moments where we have tasted the sweet vinegar of our own foot. We open our mouths and out pops the most absurd, and ludicrous pile of crap. Our only defense is to fight the urge, with all the Jedi forces within us, to keep our trap shut. Hopefully, this little list will help you not make a complete and utter ass of yourself, right when you’re about to get laid for the first time in months. Keep these tips in mind the next time you’ve got Barry White (or some other lame shit on the iPod) going and odds are you’ll make it through unscathed.
Number 5: “I’m feeling a little bloated from dinner”
Even though, you’re beginning to think that the artichoke parmesan dip and cheese platter was a bad idea, this is defiantly NOT the time to share your gastrointestinal issues. Nothing screams, “Get the fuck off me” like the anticipation of noxious fumes coming from your ass!
Number 4: “Was that good for you?”
If you have to ask, you know the answer! Need I say more? Buck up and maybe, just maybe, you’ll get a second chance to step up!
Number 3: “Don’t ever leave me”
I’ve got one word for you, RUN! If this sentimental vomit comes your way than there is only 2 choices: 1) get the hell out as fast as you can and change your phone number (and possibly your address) or 2) get ready to pick a wedding date. No new piece of ass is worth the psycho drama that may be headed your way.
Number 2: Any mention of ex’s or past experiences
We’ve all had those moments, no matter how hard we try not to, where we compare. That’s normal, cool, expected. But if you value your current sex life, my advice would be to keep it to yourself, especially when in the throes of it all. Even if it’s a compliment, the last thing someone wants to hear while riding the pony, is that you’re thinking of someone else and how you stack up. Now, this can change and the topic of ex’s or past playing may be fair game if you find that sharing is a turn on or fetish for your playmate. Then, lucky you! But until you can be sure, keep this one hush, hush.
Number 1: “Have you cum yet?”
Similar to number 4 on our list, but with one clear distinction: boredom. If this comes spewing from your lips, then the next question from your playmate might be, “why, do you have something better to do”. That’s right, play it the old fashioned way, rock it as hard as you can, as long as you can and either she will fake it, like most girls do (yes, even to you champ) or cum so hard the she’ll start “praying” to her GOD. This is the way it has been done through the ceturies. Do not fuck with tradition.