…and do you even really want it to?
When people find out about my job-social media for a worldwide online dating site-they tend to have quit a bit of questions. Can I take a look at their online dating profile? Why do guys show interest and then disappear, etc…you know, the standard stuff. One of the most recent questions I received was over the weekend, one of my closest friends called me while she did the walk of shame in the rain.
“I just had the most amazing night. The sex was out of control amazing, but more than that-It felt so different from a usual hook-up, like something was really there and we were totally connecting on a different level. Am I crazy? Seriously, am I?”
I feel like women find themselves in this situation a lot…lord knows I’ve been there multiple times. Can a casual hook-up turn into something more? Of course! I bet there are people reading this right now who never expected their one night stand to turn into a marriage or long term relationship. But the better question, in my opinion is, do you even really want it to? If it happens, great. But if it doesn’t, you’re setting yourself up to be hurt. Casual sex, casual dating, having a good time with no commitments means that the only person taking care of you, looking out for you is…drum-roll please….YOU. And that means you’ve got to learn to manage your expectations before your clothes come off.
It means when you walk out the door in the a.m, with sex hair and your shirt on backwards, high on your post orgasm glow and still smelling him all over you, that you don’t mistake this for love.
It means that you’ve realized that when you sleep with someone casually, that you’re running the risk of feeling a connection-real or imagined. And most likely, it will be imagined.
And it means that when you start allowing your feelings to get the best of you, that you’re missing out on what the point of the whole experience was in the first place. FUN. FREEDOM. NO DRAMA. By walking out the door and immediately calling your best friend waxing poetic about feelings and connections and love, and looking for more than what is really there, you’re saying that fun, freedom and no drama isn’t enough for you right now.
Relax. Instead of walking out the door and wondering about the things you don’t have, the questions, and letting your emotions get the best of you remember this-if it’s meant to be anything more than casual sex, it will be. Instead of telling your best friend what it could be, tell her what it was.
“I just had the most amazing night. The sex was out of control amazing, he was so hot and he did things that totally blew my mind. It was probably just a one time thing, but let’s just say I would love to see him again.”
No drama, no feelings…just fun.