Dirty In Public

Getting Dirty for Dirty in Public – Top 5 Ways To Sex It Up by @SingleDatingDiv

Single Dating Diva — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 16:02:14 +0000

Being sexy is all about attitude … right? Sure it is but there’s oh so much more. What is it that makes someone turn their heads when you walk by? What makes you more appealing than anyone else? I’ll tell you! It’s your appearance. Sure someone should like you for you, but there’s more to you than personality and people are attracted to looks first and foremost. Don’t kid yourself and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! No worries my friends, here are my 5 ways to sex it up and get noticed by whoever you want!! They work for me and they will work for you … Top 5 Ways To Sex It Up! 1. Grooming and Personal Hygiene: Although this should be a given, it’s really not. First and foremost you need to smell good – this doesn’t mean killing it on the fragrance – it means having a signature scent to make them follow you like the Pied Piper. I have one and believe me it works wonders! Keep all hair under control and well groomed – wherever the hair may be! Get a good hair cut and make sure it looks nice when you leave the house every morning! Keep your nails well taken care of. Make sure your teeth are clean and your breath is fresh so you can flash that gorgeous smile and say hi! All these things will help make sure you make a sexy first impression!! 2. Dressing Well: Dressing well means that you look nice when you leave the house. You don’t have to spend a lot of money on clothes to look good. What you do have to do is accentuate your best features without looking trashy. Is your butt your best feature? Then wear something a little more snug (but not too snug) on your backside. Is your chest your best feature? Make sure to show it in an appropriate way, woman a little cleavage is good, men a shirt that’s a little more fitted works well. Anything you don’t like about your body? Clothes that fit right hide things that need to be hidden and show off things you want to display. No muffin tops, mini skirts or exposed hairy chests allowed! It’s not sexy, it’s trashy!! 3. Being True To You: Those who know me know that I’m always encouraging people to be true to themselves. You need to be proud of who you are and not let anyone or any of your past bad experiences change that. Being true to yourself means knowing who you are, what your limitations are and what there is to be proud of. How does that make you sexy? Someone who knows who they are doesn’t need someone else to “complete” them or to give them an identity because they stand alone just as comfortably as they do with someone else and that’s DAMN SEXY!!! 4. Confidence: I think everyone will agree that confidence is sexy. This means being assertive in all life situation and walking with your head held high. It means that you know yourself and are being true to who you are. This doesn’t mean being arrogant or thinking you’re better than anyone else. Someone who is confident knows who they are sexually too. They know what pleases them and what doesn’t and aren’t scared to tell their partner. They make great lovers and everyone knows it. Confident people aren’t too shy to try something new or be a little risky in the bedroom (or out of it). They know sex should be fun and mutually pleasurable. See, confidence IS sexy!! 5. Body Language and Flirting: We all know that what you say only makes up a small part of communication. What’s the larger part? Why it’s body language of course!! What you say matters but not as much as the message you send out with your body. Flirting is all about body language. You need to carry yourself off in such a way that you show your best features while still being coy and sexy. How do you do that? Well first and foremost don’t slouch! Stand up straight and have good posture! It makes you look more confident and assertive (and makes you look thinner!). What else? Flirt with your eyes. Eye contact is very important. Women cross your legs and accentuate your curves, men shoulders back chest out. But whatever you do make sure it looks natural, it has to be believable!! Effective flirting will definitely get you some sexy time!! See, that’s not so hard, is it? LOOKS & ATTITUDE!! Sexy is both mental and physical. It’s all important … anyone who tells you that looks don’t matter is lying to you and you know it. But, everyone has sexiness in them, you just need to bring it out. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally and they’ll be putty in your hands in no time!! Now your homework is to go try these tips! Single? Try it out on the town. Coupled? Then try it on your partner. I would love to hear what works (and doesn’t work) for you in the comments!! Your Sexy Sister in Dating Bliss, Single Dating Diva

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Singles Warehouse Announces the TOP 10 Posts in 2012

Marrie — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 20:23:36 +0000

I am excited to announce that I have made it onto the list of Top 10 Posts of 2012 on Singles Warehouse! This is serious bragging rights when you consider that there are 1000′s of posts published a year on Singles Warehouse every year and the caliber of the dozens of writers who contribute their work! I encourage you to peruse the list and check out all the winners of this coveted honor! It’s been a great year here at Singles Warehouse with literally 1000′s of posts for our readers to enjoy. We thought we’d celebrate our 2012 by showcasing the most read articles in 2012. Let us know which one is your favourite in the comments below. The TOP 10 Posts in 2012 1. How to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend [VIDEO] by Singles Warehouse 2. Off Putting Profiles by Singles Warehouse 3. The Final Word of Penis Size by Single Girlie 4. Are You Killing His Attraction by Sandy Weiner 5. Finish Line by Lee Ford This is a segment of a post that originally appeared on Singles Warehouse! Discover where Dirty In Public placed and who else made the list on “Singles Warehouse Announces the TOP 10 Posts in 1012″

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Stop Looking for Love and Begin Looking for Friendship

Marrie — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 19:55:31 +0000

A little over 2 weeks into the New Year, I have read countless articles advising singles in the online dating community on how to find their pot-o-gold at the end of the dating rainbow… LOVE! While looking for love and a meaningful relationship is a valiant goal for 2013, I fear many online daters may burn-out somewhere between Cupid’s arrow launch and the spirited Leprechaun pours his first pint. The New Year, with its promise of a clean slate, may inspire new vigor but changing your perspective from looking for love to looking for friendship may be the only tweak you need to hold onto your renewed confidence throughout the year while avoiding getting date weary. Unfortunately, many love-seekers approach dating like a Vegas card game {numbers and odds}; aggressively seeking their Ace in a pile of dates. While frequent dating may have advantages {i.e. improve date etiquette, define preferences, get out of the house} but if each date is scheduled with the hopeful expectation of love blooming before the entrée is served, your positive attitude will quickly melt into an ominous cloud that shrouds your future rendezvous in disappointment. Love is not always a precious stone unearthed in radiant perfection, but may be buried in the ore of friendship. Romantic vignettes gently shoved down our throats in the form of sweet songs and fanciful movie lines lead us to believe that unless love strikes like a bolt of lightning; suddenly, violently, passionately-it must not be true love. When examined in the real world, love is more likely cultivated slowly over time; through simple acts of tenderness displayed in comfortable familiarity. This is a segment of a post that originally appeared on Singles Warehouse! Read More…“Stop Looking for Love and Begin Looking for Friendship“

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Booty Calls, Friends with Benefits, F*ck Buddies: All the Same Smell?

Marrie — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 19:42:53 +0000

Every Tuesday Singles Warehouse hosts #SWEXPERTCHAT. This past Tuesday’s chat attracted our lively bunch of usual suspects and a few newbies that were sucked in by the neon glow of our topic: Booty Calls. With singles making up larger percentages of the adult population than ever before and the rat race moving exponentially faster; it’s no surprise that the dating landscape has evolved with the times. New categories of dating relationships quickly materialized as a new generation of singles that haven’t found the “one” or just aren’t prepared to commit refuse to let their single status interfere with their quest for sex! Ambitious pleasure seekers snubbed convention and modernized the dating playbook to expand the provocative chapter on casual sex. As the chat continued and the various branches of the NSA sex tree began to tweet about; strong opinions and conflicting viewpoints turned up the heat on our 140 character round table. With such delectable morsels for the taking, I couldn’t refuse to elaborate on the discussion and take it to the next level by clearing the clouded air and defining all the colors of the casual sex rainbow that so easily bled into one another. This is a segment of a post that originally appeared on Singles Warehouse! Read More… “Booty Calls, Friends with Benefits, F*ck Buddies”

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‘Subjectified’: I Think I’ve Had an Orgasm

Marrie — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 06:03:16 +0000

I grew up with Madonna and Queen Latifah; bold, sexy, independent women not only singing about sex but serving-up an expressive celebration of female sexuality. On the big screen, women’s sexual confidence was personified by the characters portrayed by Melanie Griffith and Kim Basinger; dynamic women who flaunted their sensuality and owned their femininity. As an adult a new voice emerged in the form of a skinny shoe-whore, Carrie Bradshaw. Although a superficial media creation, her impact on women’s culture at the time is undeniable. Masturbation, blow jobs, orgasms, funky spunk… all dirty words that slipped from pretty glossed lips; Carrie and her brash brood breathed new life into naughty terms through the veil of trendy sophistication. This fictional Connoisseur de Amor made it OK for women to talk loud and proud about sex, to experience sex, to WANT sex…while being all woman. It seemed as though I was the proud member of an elite generation of sexually confident women. After all, we enjoyed having sex and candidly shared our experiences with each other. We could be pro-sexual in our own city, without having to live in a remote commune. We could be pro-woman and still love a man. We could bring home the bacon and keep our pretty bras. But for me, the sweetest slices from the liberation pie were a deeper understanding of female sexuality and the confidence to explore what that meant to me. But the last episode of Sex and the City aired 9 years ago and, rather than women continuing the conversation by passing the baton to the next generation, the voices fell silent. Without a hipster {fictional or not} to lead the conversation, women lost the courage to continue honest open dialogues about their sexuality. Until recently {hopefully}… Subjectified: Continuing the Conversation From the first moment I read about Subjectified, I was intrigued. It’s not that I haven’t heard women speak candidly about sex but to experience the personal stories of women from diverse backgrounds around the country granted me a back stage pass to the current status of female sexuality. Nine brazen women had the courage to speak of their sexuality very frankly on camera in an effort to breathe a fresh perspective to a dialogue that has fallen silent to a generation. Although our society oozes sex from its pores, the shocking reality Subjectified exposed was that many women in 2013 are clueless and insecure about their sexuality. It’s as if the ‘Like a Virgin’ tour never happened. Having been sheltered by a liberal upbringing and like-minded community, I was blissfully ignorant to the current crisis that misinformation and silence has levied on a generation of women. I wrongly assumed that the half-truths and myths about female sexuality that stubbornly echo in locker rooms, bedrooms and the media were exploited by male voices. Subjectified exposed that misconceptions actually linger in the minds and are carried on by the voices of… women. This film is a testament that a new generation of women have been tossed in a time machine where the understanding of the female body and perceptions of “sexual normality” are reminiscent of the 1950’s. Meanwhile, men are stranded and confused in the 2000’s. After all, how can a man know how to quench his partner’s desires, if she doesn’t know herself? Subjectified’s goal is to encourage individual’s to continue the conversation in hopes of enlightening people’s understanding of female sexuality. As I see it, the responsibility for things to change lay in the hands of women. Women need to stop the blame-game and assume responsibility of their own bodies, minds, and perceptions of female sexuality. Women need to take the wheel and travel down the road free from self-judgment and guilt. Many, like me, thought these judgments were held in providence by men. FALSE! Women through lack of communication or Queen-Bee competitiveness, stand in judgments of their peers; a weapon wielded against each other to level an imaginary field. Men, Subjectified and the Hunger Games You can’t have a dialogue about female sexuality without discussing men. Men shouldn’t be relegated to bystanders but included as active contributors. Why? Well, let’s face it; most women have sex with men! And, honestly, I feel sorry for the lads. Despite the popularity of PUA and the explosion of the casual sex culture, the dirty little secret is that the majority of men actually do give a shit whether the woman he’s having sex with enjoys the moment. I believe that men in a long-term committed relationship or late night booty call have the same goal…mutual gratification. However, the state of sexual politics has changed dramatically over the past couple decades. Let’s face it, women now dictate the rules that govern sexual dynamics. Men are no longer large and in charge; women are now the captains of the pleasure cruise. But if the captain doesn’t know how to start the engine, how can she expect her first mate to rev it up? Many women are still under the assumption that men should just “know” how to give a woman pleasure. Really? And where is he supposed to gain all this carnal knowledge? His buddies? His ex? Osmosis? Fact: Men are hungry. Hungry to learn what gives a woman pleasure and eager to remain in port long enough for all passengers to get off! But the picture of female sexuality illustrated by Subjectified is that the majority of 20-something women {either out of fear or from a lack of body awareness} are unable to communicate how their intimate desires can be fulfilled. No wonder why so many men and women are frustrated! The only way to change the course of this wayward ship is to communicate. Encouraging men to participate in the conversation; either through expressing perspective or active listening, we can jump on the road of mutual understanding faster and rock the boat on smoother seas. However, the fire of this dialogue will only catch-on if women are willing to cast Victorian judgments overboard. [...]

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Mental Cheating…Is it Real?

Marrie — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:32:45 +0000

My good friend Suzie, the Single Dating Diva, recently posted an article that defined cheating. Her post tackled the different types of cheating, most notably emotional and physical affairs but a newcomer to the list caught me by surprise; mental…shwha? Yes, mental. Now let me lay it out for you, I adore Suzie and am not coming at her with guns blazing so don’t make this a bitch off…because it’s not! After reading about mental cheating, I began to feel sorry for some imaginary husband accused of cheating for merely fantasizing about the office hottie. If that’s the case then all of us must stand united as adulterers; for I doubt none of us have ever thought of another person while in a committed relationship. As I read through the comments and engaged with others on Facebook, it became clear that her thoughts on mental cheating were not unique to her or to women in general. Both sides of the gender aisle chimed in on the peril of free thought; the slippery slope of attraction. I sat dumbfounded, since when did daydreams become reality? Unicorns, leprechauns, and nymphs really do exist.. PreCrime Cheating: Minority Report meets Debbie Does Dallas Picture this… an anti-Mental Cheating rally. Banners waving with pre-cheating slogans: “Too Much Thinking is a Bad Thing”, “Thoughts Speak Louder than Actions” and “Fantasies Breed Infidelity”. The fundamental problem with equating mental cheating to, well, actually cheating is that it assumes people are either unwilling or incapable of controlling their primal urges, ergo thoughts will inevitably become reality anyways so may as well save everyone some time and bust their balls as if they had.Such assumptions lead to swift consequences and unreasonable expectations. A common thread emerged by those who shared their opinions on mental cheating; a lack of faith in their partners. As though, spontaneous thoughts were serpents slithering through our Garden of Eden laying seeds of evil intentions and our spouse is powerless to prevent them from hatching to action. This is a mindset of paranoia and is no longer a question of whether their partner is cheating but about personal insecurities and trust {or lack thereof}. Mental Cheating: Question its Reality How much fantasizing is “too much”? If I daydream about the firefighter down the street 1-2x’s it’s no big deal but the third time, I’m officially cheating? And who’s scanning my brain for these illicit thoughts? By who’s standard are my thoughts illicit: my partner’s, societies, the person I’m fantasizing about? If thoughts are to be equal to actions, then am I now mental stalking my firefighter neighbor because I think of him a little too often? Can I sue for divorce on the grounds of cheating, if my husband dreamed about another woman more than a few nights in a row? Is it only considered cheating if the object of my desire is a person I know {attainable} versus a movie star {unattainable}? Thoughts are fleeting apparitions and are born spontaneously Physical and emotional attractions are also involuntary. What we, as human beings living in a civilized society can control is our responses to these impulses. Ready. Set. Action. I fear that those who buy into the concept of mental cheating are confusing a cheating mentality with the act of cheating. Having a cheating mentality makes you a dickhead but, until your advances are reciprocated-you are NOT a cheater and have NOT cheated. Cheating, affairs, whatever you call them, require 2 things: action and reaction. Cheating is a two person sport. A man or woman who controls their carnal desires by not allowing their libido to fly auto-pilot deserves commendation not persecution. Whatever the fire that lit the fuse of fantasy; whether it be sexual dissatisfaction, complacency or animal magnetism your partner’s self-control to not act upon it shows a level of commitment that would not otherwise be tested except when faced with its consuming power. It is true that thoughts can dominate and devour reason but that doesn’t mean that your partner is guilty of acts that were never physically perpetrated. If this were the case, why not just cheat. If you’re going to be accused and punished for simply thinking about it, then you might as well get your rocks off and have something to remember! Thoughts->Feelings->Actions->Results Suzie and her reader’s point of view are not far from my own. She expressed clearly that the power of thought is extremely persuasive when pervasive and I completely agree. Thoughts do have the ability to influence choices but the influence of thought only thrives where a weakness already exists. The cycle of reality does not read thoughts->results…there are several steps in between with the most notable being action. I don’t know about you but my thoughts are occasionally irrational and my desires equally ridiculous.The idea of being held responsible for my thoughts as though I had acted upon them, frankly scares the shit out of me. Fantasies, desires, and daydreams are not reality and should not be confused. Lust happens, dreams happen but is the new relationship expectation that they not? I ask you…would your thoughts betray your loyalty? Should thoughts be Exhibit A of guilt? Your partner deserves your faith; a lack of trust may tempt action more than their fantasies ever would. If thought is sin, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” AMEN

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Eat Your Heart Out: 6 Ways to Make His Valentine’s Day

Marrie — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 14:00:11 +0000

Valentine’s Day is a heart shaped box filled with female expectation. Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day is a media inspired spoon-fed romantic ideals for women. Nowhere do you see a woman crying into her Pinot begging her girlfriends for a recommendation to a restaurant or gift ideas to wow! her man. Somehow the sweet intent of this Hallmark holiday has morphed into a bitter imposition laid meticulously at men’s feet. To make matters worse many men are rewarded for their frantic attempt to woo their lady love with stories of extravagant floral arrangements and blinding bling sprung on her rival office gal-pals. The anti-valentineism attitude embraced by so many men would appear to be completely justified. This year I hope to rally women with my battle cry for male redemption. It’s time that men are rewarded for their efforts; even though the male fortitude for a Happy Heart Day is determined more by their libido than sentiment. But can women really blame them? Men often refer to Valentine’s Day as Extortion Day and with good reason. For decades women have set ginormous expectations with the silent understanding that if the criterion was not met there would be retribution. Disappointment would suddenly tread through the evening in the form of abstinence; withholding sex in retaliation for passionate displeasure. Just because it’s a Hallmark holiday doesn’t mean you should treat it like one! I encourage women to seize the day and reinvent Valentine’s. Love, romance, and intimacy are not uniquely feminine desires. Seriously, what about the fellas? He does, after all make-up 50% of your couple. Why not give him all the bragging rights on the 15th. Allow him to be the envy of all his crew by serving him the best Valentine’s Day ever. Raise your kickass girlfriend/wife status to ridiculous new heights and watch yourself become the envy of all who know you! The best way to achieve love and admiration is to give it…unabashedly. Strip Valentine’s Day of selfish motives and drape it in naked adoration. Dirty’s Tips: 6 Ways to Make His Valentine’s Day Marco. Polo: Create a scavenger hunt. Leave clues, notes, clothes or flower petals around the house leading to you, displayed in all your glory…and not in the bedroom. Boys and Their Toys: Handcuffs, kinky lingerie, sex pillows or a dirty movie for both of you to relish. Introduce laughter, exploration and fun into your sex life. Start simple. Sex toys are truly the gifts that keep on giving. You may even start a tradition where every Valentine’s Day you make it a point to buy new toys or props to add to your collection. That’s the Ticket! Snag the best seats to a concert with his favorite band or set him up on the 50 yard line for the big game. Who knows, a couple of beers, a stadium dog, and you in his team’s jersey may be his version of porn and lingerie. Gift of Selfishness: Buy him a round of golf at a club he would never kick down for or take him to an upscale gun range for the afternoon. Whether it’s with you are a day with the guys…you will be receiving all the thanks! What Did You Say? This one is all about sweet anticipation! Sexting throughout the day or hiding naughty notes in his car or computer bag describing little {or BIG} things you plan on doing when he gets home. This will drive him to a state of delirium! Drop it like it’s Hot: Dressed in high heels, bra, panties, and a sexy apron set a chair for him in the kitchen and let him salivate as he watches his favorite dish prepare his favorite dish. He’ll eat it up! Men are fairly easily pleased. It doesn’t take much more than you just being there, emotionally and physically, for him to feel the love! Isn’t he worth it? Your efforts this Valentine’s Day to make it all about him will be remembered and appreciated for years to come. Trust me…he will never forget Valentine’s Day or look at it as a chore again!

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Condom Carrying Women: Intelligent or Slutty?

Marrie — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 18:23:19 +0000

As I’ve gotten older, I tend to care less what other people think of me. This isn’t to say that I’m a self serving, greedy wench however; I no longer allow the fear of others’ opinions to influence better judgment. When I jumped back into the dating scene after a nearly 15 year hiatus; I was blessed with ignorance. Sporting new shoes and dress, I loaded-up my new handbag with dating essentials: Lipstick-check Powder-check Keys-check Wallet with cash, ID-check Condoms-check Even if I had no intention of getting laid, I wasn’t about to allow the lack of a condom deny me the opportunity should it become an option. Not a full 10 pack, mind you, but a couple discretely tucked in my wallet. I just assumed that this is what every responsible, sexually active adult did. Well, it is apparently…if you’re a man. It wasn’t until I traded in my online dating profile for a relationship when I realized that a chick carrying a condom is thought to be “notorious.” Unbelievable that in 2012, a woman choosing to take control of her health can be considered a bad slut (for the record, I’m a good one). But apparently a condom carrying women are an issue for some men. I doubt these same men would complain when faced with the chance to get laid. Sir Richard’s were a basic part of my dating kit because one never knows when the prospect of nooky might come-up. Does that make me a ho? To some, maybe, but it’s fascinating that some men take issue, not with the fact I’ll grant them access to my inner sanctum, but that I had the balls to assume sex was a BYOC bash. I wasn’t aware that my only option was to pop a birth control pill and assume the man would handle the rest. My ignorance to the stigma associated with carrying a concealed prophylactic permitted me bliss. Meanwhile, women who are keen to the judgments of others may not be willing to face the scornful choir. Is the new scarlet letter “C”? Condoms Are a Must Whether a woman is dating 10 men or betting all her romantic cards on one; if she is a sexually active adult, condoms are a must. A man may cry “WHORE” if he spots them but if a man thinks you’re a ho, rather than a self-respecting adult, than he’s immature; not to mention a complete waste of a condom! Just move-on. I encourage all women to put on their big girl panties and be prepared for when you’re ready to let them drop! Bottom-line: Sex is an equal opportunity activity and ladies have the right to step-up and BYOC; no excuses or apologies required. I guess the only thing left to do is get down off my soapbox and invite you men into the conversation. Fellas, what do you think of a woman who carries condoms? Tacky? Promiscuous? Responsible? As Seen on Singles Warehouse and YourTango

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Slut Shaming Rumors and the Women Who Spread Them

Marrie — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 23:55:52 +0000

Being a fabulous pseudo-celebrity on the rise comes with a price. The five inboxes stuffed to their digital seams along with my calendar- of-insanity were both expected side-effects of being an emerging media mogul. If the saying “No rest for the wicked” is true, then I must be very naughty indeed! Recently, another sign emerged that I was a growing online personality when I was able to check off another popular pitfall of burgeoning celebs. I was informed that my life was a topic of someone’s personal interest. So much so, that this woman attempted to sully my good name by spreading rumors about me to members of my community. This Perez Hilton of the burbs, shared juicy whispers with mutual acquaintances about my sizzling alternative sexual lifestyle and extensive collection of porn. At first I laughed in disbelief. If she seriously wanted to defame the character of a dating, sex, and relationship writer, she may have wanted to try disseminating rumors that may be found remotely controversial to someone in my line of work. Perez-from-the-burbs seemed to be acting as my personal benefactor rather than hate-monger. I half-considered handing her a stack of my business cards and asking her to be my personal PR Director. But then my giddy amusement faded. What if I weren’t a writer but a teacher? Suddenly, I no longer found her slut shaming to be humorous antidotes but malicious attacks with potentially catastrophic consequences. For many professionals discrete murmurs about one’s sexuality could cost their job, standing in the community and personal relationships. Contemplating the gossiper’s intent was what motivated me to reevaluate how to respond to the questions her big mouth had planted in my friends’ heads. I know that woman-on-woman attacks aren’t a new phenomenon but find it interesting that sexual lifestyle is the weapon of choice. Apparently, a lot of women are driving the slut-shaming bandwagon. Rumor Has It I live a life of flawless imperfection and am deceptively honest. Judgments are not for me to pass and I fervently defend those who find themselves the target of society’s scorn due to being on today’s unfavorable hit-list. Mrs. Bigmouth has an itinerary of revenge against me for transgressions I have not committed upon her or anyone else. It appears that my existence was all that was required to fuel her scandalous barrage. Mrs. Bigmouth shared manufactured details of my illicit sexuality and pornographic eye-candy with the fire of a high school adolescent. She channeled her inner mean-girl in an attempt to taint people’s opinion of me. If I were a school teacher, such rumors would label me unfit to perform my duties. After all, how could I be a sex-positive adult swinger and a professional educator at the same time? According to society these two are at odds. I would become a modern day Dr. Jekyl-Mrs. Hyde. Never mind that it is perfectly legal for consensual adults to have sex in any number and combination or that it is within my rights to own {and even star in} porn. I would be disavowed from the teaching community for committing a grievous crime against humanity. Perez-of-the-burbs attempts to assault my character by using society’s closed-minded, conservative attitudes compelled me to respond to friendly inquiries as if I were an educator of the young, rather than a sex-positive writer. She Stoops to New Lows to Elevate Herself to New Heights Women who use society’s Scarlet Letter to attack other women are truly the lowest common denominator. The competition to be the Queen Bee is fierce and a complete waste of time and energy. This woman descended upon my personal life because she sees me as a threat {a threat to what, I’m not sure but a threat nonetheless}. Women who feel the need to attack other women’s sexuality do so out of their own lack of confidence. The saddest chapter of this scandalous tale is that my antagonist has no reason to have low self-esteem. Her lack of self-worth is also a delusion, created by the same societal values that she tried to exploit in order to harm me. I have no misconceptions of whom and what I am and do not feel the need to apologize or explain the private workings of my sexual exploits to anyone. I had freed myself from the masses perception of normal long ago. I genuinely hope that my antagonist can someday do the same. Mrs. Bigmouth’s plan failed in every conceivable way. I know that my being unaffected by her feeble gossip will further engulf her fragile ego. Just Cuz You Heard It I now know that it was nothing that I’ve done and I refuse to live with internal guilt as if I had; a life that is hung-up on someone else’s hang-ups. When coming face-to-face with inquisitive inquiries I decided to approach it as though my livelihood did depend upon my response; primarily because for many women it does. I also chose not to confront Mrs. Bigmouth. I know she isn’t worth the breath. My final resolution was to only address the rumors with people who had the courage enough to ask me; figuring that if someone walks away from my friendship because they heard I may live a sexual lifestyle they are uncomfortable with then we aren’t meant to be friends. Just cuz you heard it, doesn’t make it true and if it were, it shouldn’t matter in a genuine friendship. For the record, I have yet to lose one friend because none of them bought into the shame game! My Response The last time I checked, sex between consenting adults is NOT illegal. I have never shied away from my opinions about sex and relationships. I am proud to be pro-sexual and extremely open minded. I refuse to impose my expectations of love and relationships on anyone else and appreciate others who do the same. Consensual sex between adults in front of a camera or in private and owning porn are [...]

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Too Cozy With The Ex

Space Cowboy — Wed, 09 Jan 2013 23:19:59 +0000

A dozen years ago my wife asked for a divorce. The life we created with our two beautiful children in our suburban home that was filled with heartwarming mementos came to an end after a decade of marriage. When the emotional dust had settled I began the slow work of re-building my life. I vowed not to be a Disneyland Dad and made sure my kids were raised equally by BOTH parents. It took a little over a year but eventually got 50% custody. I did what it took to ensure my relationship with the now ex-wife was not only good but great. {Trust me! Your ex’s endorsement determines how comfortable your future will be; from the time you spend with your kids to the amount of support you pay every month.} But, as you’ll see later, there’s a heavy price to pay when you get too cozy with the ex. Breath-in, breath-out. Take a second. Go ahead, scratch your head. See, YOU are the man she originally fell-in-love with. YOU are the one she chose to build her original dream of a family. YOU were, maybe still are, the man of her dreams. However, even though you may have moved-on, by making the decision to stay active in your children’s lives, by default; you are also active in their mother’s life. Being too cozy with the ex didn’t mean getting a little action on the side between dates; rather it’s all the things normally reserved for much more intimate relationships. Activities like vacationing, attending holiday celebrations or coming over for game nights. Let me get one thing straight- I did these things with my ex-wife NOT because I wanted to get in her pants (uh, way beyond that) or to rekindle any kind romance (she wishes); I spent time around my ex, so I could spend more time with my kids. To be frank, I don’t like the person my ex had become and wouldn’t choose to even be her friend. The Price I Paid If your ex is anything like mine, she’ll think that all this time and effort you’ve spent has been for her. The minute she realizes YOU are no longer hers, prepare for the nightmare to commence. In my case, everything was hunky-dory for 10 post- divorce years until I decided to get remarried to a beautiful, intelligent, sexy woman. Did I mention my new wife looks 10 years younger, has a great body, and is a much cooler person to boot. Even though, I was investing the same time with the same activities with my ex and children; from her perspective, it all changed because she realized that I was no longer there for her. So what happened? Within 6 months of my nuptials my ex, without my consent, told my children that they have a voice and a choice as to where they want to live. Of course, the children whom I’ve taught to be faithful to family were not given “permission” to like my new wife. One child decided to stay and the other, well…. Fortunately, my kids are my kids for the rest of my life-whether they live with me or not. I’ve accepted the fact that someday, if not already, they’ll understand what being too cozy with their mother has done. My Advice Be nice to your ex-wife but have boundaries. You may have kids together but you’re no longer married and one family unit. Begin your post-divorce life by separating the two households and beginning your own traditions. You do not have to operate as “one” family unit in order to co-parent your children. Getting too cozy with the ex only blurs the lines that occur naturally after a divorce. Let my experience serve as a painful reminder of what swerving out of your post-divorce boundaries can bring.

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